Help & support
How can we help?
Ask the support bot below — it answers most questions instantly and knows how to deep-link you to the right page. For anything it can't resolve, email yourfriend@arewefriends.org.
Support bot · always on
Ask anything about the app
I can walk you through billing, matches, DMs, meetups, events, Friend? AI, and safety reports. Pick a quick start or type your own question.
Frequently asked
23 answers
Account & onboarding
- How do I sign up?+
Open arewefriends.org and tap Sign up. You'll pick a handle + password, verify your email, take the 120-item personality test (5 minutes), set your location, and choose a few interests. After that you'll see today's matches.
- I forgot my password.+
Use the reset link on the sign-in page. It's a magic link sent to your email via Resend. If it doesn't arrive within a few minutes, check spam — and write us: yourfriend@arewefriends.org.
- How do I delete my account?+
Email yourfriend@arewefriends.org with the subject "Delete account" from the email on your account. We'll confirm and purge your profile, matches, DMs (you already have the keys anyway), and everything else within 7 days.
Matching
- Why do I see these specific people?+
We match on personality (Big Five overlap), shared interests, and distance. Founders'-tier members get a small visibility boost in everyone's results. Ask Friend? 'why am I seeing X?' and she'll translate the score into something concrete.
- How often do matches refresh?+
Every 12 hours automatically. You can hit Refresh on /matches to force a recompute.
- Why are there so few matches?+
We cap at 5/day for Free, 25/day for Friend+, unlimited for Social. Widening your age or distance filters (Account → Preferences) also surfaces more.
DMs & privacy
- Are DMs really end-to-end encrypted?+
Yes. We use our own Bry_NFET_SX stack (XChaCha20-Poly1305 AEAD, X25519 sealed boxes, Argon2id KDF). Your private keys are wrapped with your passphrase and unwrapped only in your browser. The server literally cannot read your messages.
- I lost my passphrase. Can you recover my messages?+
No — and that's by design. If the team could recover your keys, so could a court order. Your old messages are gone, but you can reset the passphrase and start fresh going forward.
- Why can't I start a DM?+
Free tier can receive and reply to DMs but can't initiate. Friend+ and above can start conversations. Upgrade at /subscribe.
Plan a hang (meetups)
- How do I plan a 1:1 hang?+
Open a friend's profile and tap Plan a hang. Friend? returns three concrete options with real venues, times, and talk-starters.
- How do I plan a group hang?+
Go to /meetups/group/new. Pick up to 7 friends, pick a date + vibe, send invites. Caps at 8 total (you + 7).
- Can I make a hang private?+
Yes — Friend+ and above can mark hangs private. Private hangs only appear to invited members.
Events & what's nearby
- Where do the events come from?+
Ticketmaster, OpenStreetMap (places), Reddit community posts, Nager.Date (public holidays), and Yelp. All proximity-filtered to your radius and weather-annotated via Open-Meteo.
- How fresh is the events list?+
A systemd timer refreshes everyone's local cluster hourly. Additionally, if you open /events and the newest row is more than 60 minutes old, we kick an opportunistic refresh.
- Some filters show 0 events.+
Try widening the date filter (to 'Next 7 days'), clearing the price filter, or searching a specific venue. If it still looks empty, hit Refresh on /events.
Friend? AI
- What can Friend? actually do?+
Draft opener DMs, translate match scores into plain English, pull events that fit your interests, plan hangs tuned to two personalities, write posts in your voice. She's context-aware — she knows your matches, friends, tier, and today's events.
- Why does Friend? sound like that?+
Default tone, or whatever you picked at /friend/settings. Social and Founders' plans unlock six tones: Default, Concise, Warm, Snarky, Formal, Bestie.
- Is Friend? the same as this support bot?+
No. Friend? is the social companion inside the product. I'm the support bot — focused on helping you use Friends?.
Billing & tiers
- How do I cancel?+
Open /billing and click "Manage billing." You'll land in Stripe's customer portal where you can cancel, change plans, or update your card.
- Do you offer refunds?+
On a case-by-case basis. Email yourfriend@arewefriends.org and we'll respond within two business days.
- Why is Founders' so expensive?+
Because it's capped at 1,000. Verified badge, priority matching, Founders' circle feed, early access. It's the only scarcity in the product and the proceeds fund city-by-city launches.
Safety & reporting
- Someone is harassing me.+
Email yourfriend@arewefriends.org with the subject "Safety report." Include the other member's handle and (if possible) a screenshot. We'll investigate within 24 hours. You can also block them from their profile.
- I saw something that shouldn't be on the platform.+
Same process. Email us with "Content report" as the subject and we'll move on it.
Still stuck?
A human reads every email.
We're a small team. Emails usually get a reply within a business day.